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Louisiana Jingle Bells
Dashing through debris
With a chainsaw in my hand
FEMA's on the way
They haven't got a plan
Looters on the way
They're making quite a fright
Oh, what fun it is to have
My great big gun tonight
CHORUS
Oh, Jingle Bells, my fridge smells
Katrina, kiss my ass
Won't y'all come back home real soon
And help pick up this trash!
Hear the generators whir
They're making quite a sound
I'm just taking in all the sights
With no one else around
Aaron Broussard's on TV
He's crying like a chump
He dried his eyes just long enough
To turn off all the pumps
CHORUS
Oh, Jingle Bells, my fridge smells
Katrina, kiss my ass
Won't y'all come back home real soon
And help pick up this trash!
Got a blue tarp on my roof
It's keeping out the rain
The adjuster arrived two months late
Then promptly lost my claim
Gotta love those MREs
For making spirits bright
I'm saving one with M&Ms
Just for Christmas night!
CHORUS
Oh, Jingle Bells, my fridge smells
Katrina, kiss my ass
Won't y'all come back home real soon
And help pick up this trash!
Discovery of Heaviest Element yet known to Science
The recent hurricane and gasoline issues helped prove existence of a new element. n early October [2005] a major research institution announced discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Government."
Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons. Since Gv has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Gv causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second!
Gv has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Gv is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Gv becomes Administratium (Am) - an element which radiates just as much energy as Gv since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Katrinalaya - Theme Song for the Rebuilding of New Orleans
Lyrics by David "The Nac" Naccari, Sandra Thornburg, and Steven T. Jones
Music by Hank Williams
Copyright Sony/ATV Music Publishing 2005
Good by Joe, me gotta go, me oh my oh
Cause the whole subdivision's now a bayou
Levee broke - no time to joke - me oh my oh
Gotta go contra-flow to where it's high-oh
Oh, hurricane, you're a pain, me oh my oh
'Cause the bowl that I called home is filling up-oh
Didn't pack - what's on my back is all I got-oh
Filed FEMA claims to ease our pain when we got out-oh
Oh, CNN, you're my new friend for all the news-oh
We get fed six times a day by the Texarkanos
More Lousians in Texarkan than armadillos
Evacuees not refugees that's our new name-oh
Oh contra-flow - we gotta go, to Lone Star land-oh
Get those Aggie and Longhorn fans to lend a hand-oh
Glad that I'm here and not down there, me oh my oh
Son of a gun, ain't havin fun on the bayou
Thank our new friends and go back home when it's okay-oh
And we'll rebuild the city that we love-oh
Make houses high so we won't cry the next time-oh
Son of a gun, don't need more floods on the bayou
Creole cuisine and Cajun queens is what we love-oh
The best in jazz is what we have to make you smile-oh
Come party-gras at Mardi Gras and second line-oh
Thanks for helping save our city on the bayou!
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/katrinalaya
List of the top wanted Barbie dolls this holiday season:
Evacuee Barbie - Comes in a suitcase with three changes of old clothes,
a box of photographs, and pets.
Rooftop Barbie - Comes with an ax for chopping a hole in her roof, a
flashlight to signal helicopters, and a blue tarp to patch the hole when
she returns.
Red Cross Barbie - Comes with Red Cross uniform her own Red Cross truck
capable of serving 1,000 meals per day.
FEMA Barbie - Comes with laptop computer, cell phone, and plain white
trailer. (Trailer not delivered until 90 days after purchase.)
Going Home Barbie - Comes with haz-mat suit, boots, gloves, respirator
mask, shovel, and bin for holding recovered items.
Looter Barbie - Comes with shotgun, hundreds of gold chains, and
shopping cart filled with electronic equipment. (NOPD Ken, equally o
utfitted, can be purchased separately.)
Food Stamp Barbie - comes with Louisiana Purchase card and pin number.
U.S. Army Corp of Engineers Barbie - comes with blinders on and credit card for lunch
Levee Board Barbie - comes with unused hard hat and pockets lined with cash
The Twelve Days of Post-Katrina Christmas
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
The power turned back on by Entergy.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Two rubber gloves
And the power turned back on by Entergy.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Three flood adjusters
Two rubber gloves
And the power turned back on by Entergy.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Four jugs of bleach
Three flood adjusters
Two rubber gloves
And the power turned back on by Entergy.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Five MREs!
Four jugs of bleach
Three flood adjusters
Two rubber gloves
And the power turned back on by Entergy.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Six FEMA payments
Five MREs!
Four jugs of bleach
Three flood adjusters
Two rubber gloves
And the power turned back on by Entergy.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Seven sacks of sheetrock
Six FEMA payments
Five MREs!
Four jugs of bleach
Three flood adjusters
Two rubber gloves
And the power turned back on by Entergy.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Eight electricians wiring
Seven sacks of sheetrock
Six FEMA payments
Five MREs!
Four jugs of bleach
Three flood adjusters
Two rubber gloves
And the power turned back on by Entergy.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Nine sweepers sweeping
Eight electricians wiring
Seven sacks of sheetrock
Six FEMA payments
Five MREs!
Four jugs of bleach
Three flood adjusters
Two rubber gloves
And the power turned back on by Entergy.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Ten dump trucks hauling
Nine sweepers sweeping
Eight electricians wiring
Seven sacks of sheetrock
Six FEMA payments
Five MREs!
Four jugs of bleach
Three flood adjusters
Two rubber gloves
And the power turned back on by Entergy.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Eleven roofers roofing
Ten dump trucks hauling
Nine sweepers sweeping
Eight electricians wiring
Seven sacks of sheetrock
Six FEMA payments
Five MREs!
Four jugs of bleach
Three flood adjusters
Two rubber gloves
And the power turned back on by Entergy.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Twelve plumbers plumbing
Eleven roofers roofing
Ten dump trucks hauling
Nine sweepers sweeping
Eight electricians wiring
Seven sacks of sheetrock
Six FEMA payments
Five MREs!
Four jugs of bleach
Three flood adjusters
Two rubber gloves
And the power turned back on by Entergyyyyy!
(
PLEASE! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!)
Take a post Katrina visit to New Orleans...
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